i should ration my words, put up a half smile, wisen up.

i haven't been blogging much evidently. after a brief basketball game with my brother, a good shower, a glass of red wine, a bowl of noodles, and a whole lot of reality tv show, i find myself browsing entries from 2007, reading old tagboard conversations, being reminiscent of younger times, and still wondering what the future beholds (sure we're moving fast but i think somewhere down the road, there has to be something more to look forward to, and somehow i always feel it will come).

after six grueling semesters, the convocation ball is on its way and i'll officially graduate, not just from NBS, but from over 20 years of full time schooling. i can't honestly say i'm glad its over. and in some way, the things that have changed over the years shine light on the things that don't. people come and go, we've all wanted something different at some stage or another, and we mature as we go forward. but i've always been in constant search of good times to remember, some paradise getaway or maybe an adventure to call our own. that was what probably didn't change much. and i guess eventually, we find out too that nothings gonna just happen like how it does in the movies.

of late, though, i've marveled at some really big sights from around the world; from the coastal towns of cinque terre, city night lights from the effiel tower, to the vast grand canyons, and the bright lights of new york times square. in some way or another, it has become clear, like suddenly, that that elusive paradise is not really where we go, but the way we feel for that very moment in our lives. the best of times can be in the most humble of places.

to be honest, i'm shit-scared of how life will turn out to be. cause from here on, we're off the thread mill. we're on our own.

Labels: graduation, life, school

warm light from the table lamp, on the bed with the laptop, ac on, close to 4am, ear phones with nujabe's luv sic playing.

good music.

as the exams approach its almost as if i don't give a damn but i know i will, at the right hour.

Its been slightly over two weeks since the grueling exam period. Everything's been such a blur since...

21nd Dec, I had the most sumptuous steamboat I've had in a while at my place with andy, jn, qx and tab. The glorious seafood was mighty fine, especially with the over sized clams. It was sort of a farewell to jn for his GIP trip to the US. We chatted over the hot pot, with the cool after downpour weather on the outside, with the guys occasionally checking out the resident crayfish, fishes and parakeets, taking it nice and slow till it was past midnight and the food on the long marble table was no more.

I met jn & qx the following day, 22nd Dec, at the Marina Barrage for a lazy afternoon. I couldn't resist spending an afternoon there, lying on the mat in the middle of nowhere, watching clouds fleet in tandem.

We grabbed some ham, cheese, bread, soft drinks from the nearby supermarket and jn even woke up early to cook up some good stuff from home. Eventually, we even bought a kite for the kicks. It was nice - the friends, the food, the simple pleasure of lying there, somewhere the midst of the urban crossroads, looking at the MBS from afar, with the cool breeze, and kite high in the infinite sky.
Thereafter, I met tab in town, had 'Once Upon a Milkshake' shakes, soaked up the Christmas lights, and did a little shopping. The pair of eye plugs from Tangs will definitely come in handy.

I don't get around much and I realise how every single time I take the train to Orchard and exit the station, I become so overwhelmed by the new buildings, new shops, new lights. I've yet to really familiarize with the massive basements of ION. I was stumped by how I couldn't cross the road over to Wheel lock Place. It was as if I just served a life sentence and the world passed me by. I really need to get out a little bit more, I guess.

23th Dec, I managed to hitch a ride from Andy, making it for the gathering of the young and the old from the many generations of NBS Orientation Groups. We exchanged gifts, caught up with some of the seniors, enjoyed the funny segments of the night and of course, played poker till dawn, trying really to outwit, outplay, and outlast each other, before the breakfast at Changi Village and then hopping onto Chris's ride, making our long journey back to the west, the drive that saw orange pretentious street lamp after street lamp, and skies that unknowingly lit up to a brand new day.

24th Dec, Christmas eve, I woke up at some 3pm, met tab after her work before we made our way to MBS where her friends were gonna spend the night at. Along the way at Marina Bay Link Mall, I bought the Starbucks tumbler for my beloved.

It was very fortunate the rain eventually dried up and we managed to take a dip at the Infinity pool. After my project on MBS for the Eco-Architectural module, I just had to be there, and the panoramic view from up there did not fall short of expectations. I joined her family's gathering briefly before heading home.

25th Dec, Christmas Day, my Dad whipped up a turkey amongst the other dishes for my Mum's extended family. Tab brought her bother's awesome muffins. Eventually I found it most reposeful up in my room, away from the commotion. We eventually made our way to Chris's place where we played poker till 3am before making our way down to the Airport where we saw jn off to the blizzard cold of the US. Should be the trip of a lifetime.

26th Dec, I joined tc, kenneth and wh at Tiong Bahru CC for a little volleyball. I think I nearly sprained my back after the long period of inactivity (that is the entire semester). I was mustering everything I had towards the end of the games. I picked tab up from her place before heading over to mine, where we watched 'The Proposal' on my laptop. 27th Dec, we found ourselves at Vivocity where we watched Rapunzel, the movie.

28th Dec night, I completed the entire 'Walking Dead' season 1. It was the most kick ass series ever. With a couple of hours of sleep I drove to school on the morning of 29th Dec for the course registration before having lunch at JP, then heading home to catch up on sleep. As I turn nocturnal, staying up to 4 - 5am in the morning for the rest of the days that led up to New Year's Eve, I completed the series 'Spartacus' too, yet another good series.

31st Dec, New Years Eve, I had dinner with tab at WCP before heading down to meet the rest. The gessvball gang reunited at Rifle Range where we bid 2010 farewell and welcomed the New Year with the countdown, making merry with lots of sparklers, wine, and beer.

Since the New Year, I've been attending volleyball trainings back in school as the IHG approaches. Every one of them, though physically demanding, always leaves me yearning to be stronger, faster, better. The most tragic thing that can happen is running into injury and so I take care. I've also been looking into the upcoming Bali trip as well as the much anticipated Graduation Trip. Talk of scuba diving in May excites me too.

It's been a long time since I've been to the beach too and I did so last Sunday with gess peeps and tab. I finally met up with cs and yp while I was there. The games and sand in my feet and underwear, it was good.

And so here's 2011. I've no real resolutions, really. But there is much to look forward to.

every now and then, there always seem to be a way to use this line, sadly, to mark days that fall short. i know its bad because i can't think of anything that can make me happy anymore.

this is empty hearts, worn out patience, and a stomach eating itself. this is chapter 323421 where i get consumed.

goodnight world.

wmp: joe mcelderry - someone wake me up

so its the exam period yet again. after chugging down a mug of coffee back at home, i'm back here at school's free access lab, sort of by myself 'cause the usual gang had a paper this morning and decided to take the rest of the day of. i thought i should spend ten minutes having an entry down before i take that dive back into the mug...

two nights ago, i decided to close my accounting books at two odd am. i had an early paper the next morning but i spent another two frustrating hours trying to fall asleep. that is the problem with me and sleep. with a little more than 3 hours of sleep i sat for the morning paper. followed by an evening paper. and had some seafood thereafter with tab at the usual taman jurong haunt.

with five papers to clear, this semester's exam period may very well be the busiest of them all. it doesn't help that the yog has pushed the examinations further back into the festive christmas season. i have to admit i was pretty distracted by the thought of post-exam pleasures. i want to be out there basking in the christmas lightings at orchard and (window) shopping. though the break that follows after the exams is pretty pretty short (nearly just a month), i had my mind made up to make the most of it. i need to get back in shape (run, swim, play), re-organise my room and desktop, head down to the beach, and spend time with the people i've hardly had the time for. i'm glad the trip to bali is on its way.

i've been distracted by lots of ideas running in my head. the lastest one made me wished i was into programming and know more than the little html i picked up in secondary school while i was more free. honestly, i've no clear direction of where i'm headed for after i leave school. theres a entrepreneurial side of me thats fighting to take over sometimes. then, apart from the lack of time, theres the other more risk adverse, cautious voice within.

last night before i finally slept, i laid on bed and somehow felt a tinge of sadness. i realise how this semesters the second to the last and i think i'm gonna miss a lot of things, including the short drives to school and all the tough mugs, when i finally graduate. sometimes we spent so much of our time on something and when we finally have to move on we just can't help but find it a little hard to. i suppose that's how life is. ironic.

Labels: exams, life, nbs

...for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.