I'm not sure if anyone at all can relate but it's like searching for that something you once had and it could be anything from that X-men action figure from 1997 to that apartment you spend most of your early years in.

Tonight, I was searching for this hamster ball I once lived in - My Blogosphere. Most of the inspiring lives I've read about, though vague and incoherent at times, have ceased to exist. It was everything I had at some point.

I haven't had such a weekend in a while; Friday night, we hung out at the west end of Raffles Marina having a drink and soaking in the peace at the lighthouse before driving around the quiet area, briefly passing by the pretentious lights of the refinery, a place they eventually called Machine City; Saturday, evening after passing my IPPT, we cruised down the expressway to the eastern end, having the most sumptuous BBQ of mussels and clams and steaks and chops and wine before we stacked the chips for good night on the poker table and while I found myself the only one reaching of the Barcadi bottle, the chat I had with a good friend at the balcony was most insightful and the after taste of the liquor was most nostalgic as I grew reminiscent of my younger days; Sunday evening as the evening drew to a close, we managed to explore much of the key attractions at the Gardens by the Bay before we had a feast at ABC market; Monday afternoon, hot sand on our feet as we ran and jumped and sweated and dived for the volleyball. It was what was missing for the longest time. At Still Bar, we enjoyed the last of our drinks as I dread the close of the night for the work week is almost here all over.

Life is so trashy sometimes, it makes me not wanna care about everything including myself. I can't care to smile, eat, sleep, and even exercise to look good even though it was once a part of a routine that worked.

Labels: life

for two nights in a row, the cabbie behind the wheel was a parent with a heavy heart.

monday night, a plump indian man with much conversation to make, at some point, spoke of his son and God's will. while it was clear he wished his son could be so much more, there was a certain acceptance to the circumstance and i admire that.

tuesday night, a brooding man with less words out aloud brought me through the jam of the expressway. after a brief stop over and seemingly casual chat, we sunk into a deeper conversation about his daughter, and school grades. it was the same despondence. i hope i had encouraged him some way or another but i wish i was had far more words of encouragement to offer.

i understand, even more now, how much our parents wish the best for us always.

"Love your parents. We are so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old"

Labels: life, parents

i should ration my words, put up a half smile, wisen up.

i haven't been blogging much evidently. after a brief basketball game with my brother, a good shower, a glass of red wine, a bowl of noodles, and a whole lot of reality tv show, i find myself browsing entries from 2007, reading old tagboard conversations, being reminiscent of younger times, and still wondering what the future beholds (sure we're moving fast but i think somewhere down the road, there has to be something more to look forward to, and somehow i always feel it will come).

after six grueling semesters, the convocation ball is on its way and i'll officially graduate, not just from NBS, but from over 20 years of full time schooling. i can't honestly say i'm glad its over. and in some way, the things that have changed over the years shine light on the things that don't. people come and go, we've all wanted something different at some stage or another, and we mature as we go forward. but i've always been in constant search of good times to remember, some paradise getaway or maybe an adventure to call our own. that was what probably didn't change much. and i guess eventually, we find out too that nothings gonna just happen like how it does in the movies.

of late, though, i've marveled at some really big sights from around the world; from the coastal towns of cinque terre, city night lights from the effiel tower, to the vast grand canyons, and the bright lights of new york times square. in some way or another, it has become clear, like suddenly, that that elusive paradise is not really where we go, but the way we feel for that very moment in our lives. the best of times can be in the most humble of places.

to be honest, i'm shit-scared of how life will turn out to be. cause from here on, we're off the thread mill. we're on our own.

Labels: graduation, life, school

warm light from the table lamp, on the bed with the laptop, ac on, close to 4am, ear phones with nujabe's luv sic playing.

good music.

as the exams approach its almost as if i don't give a damn but i know i will, at the right hour.

Its been slightly over two weeks since the grueling exam period. Everything's been such a blur since...

21nd Dec, I had the most sumptuous steamboat I've had in a while at my place with andy, jn, qx and tab. The glorious seafood was mighty fine, especially with the over sized clams. It was sort of a farewell to jn for his GIP trip to the US. We chatted over the hot pot, with the cool after downpour weather on the outside, with the guys occasionally checking out the resident crayfish, fishes and parakeets, taking it nice and slow till it was past midnight and the food on the long marble table was no more.

I met jn & qx the following day, 22nd Dec, at the Marina Barrage for a lazy afternoon. I couldn't resist spending an afternoon there, lying on the mat in the middle of nowhere, watching clouds fleet in tandem.

We grabbed some ham, cheese, bread, soft drinks from the nearby supermarket and jn even woke up early to cook up some good stuff from home. Eventually, we even bought a kite for the kicks. It was nice - the friends, the food, the simple pleasure of lying there, somewhere the midst of the urban crossroads, looking at the MBS from afar, with the cool breeze, and kite high in the infinite sky.
Thereafter, I met tab in town, had 'Once Upon a Milkshake' shakes, soaked up the Christmas lights, and did a little shopping. The pair of eye plugs from Tangs will definitely come in handy.

I don't get around much and I realise how every single time I take the train to Orchard and exit the station, I become so overwhelmed by the new buildings, new shops, new lights. I've yet to really familiarize with the massive basements of ION. I was stumped by how I couldn't cross the road over to Wheel lock Place. It was as if I just served a life sentence and the world passed me by. I really need to get out a little bit more, I guess.

23th Dec, I managed to hitch a ride from Andy, making it for the gathering of the young and the old from the many generations of NBS Orientation Groups. We exchanged gifts, caught up with some of the seniors, enjoyed the funny segments of the night and of course, played poker till dawn, trying really to outwit, outplay, and outlast each other, before the breakfast at Changi Village and then hopping onto Chris's ride, making our long journey back to the west, the drive that saw orange pretentious street lamp after street lamp, and skies that unknowingly lit up to a brand new day.

24th Dec, Christmas eve, I woke up at some 3pm, met tab after her work before we made our way to MBS where her friends were gonna spend the night at. Along the way at Marina Bay Link Mall, I bought the Starbucks tumbler for my beloved.

It was very fortunate the rain eventually dried up and we managed to take a dip at the Infinity pool. After my project on MBS for the Eco-Architectural module, I just had to be there, and the panoramic view from up there did not fall short of expectations. I joined her family's gathering briefly before heading home.

25th Dec, Christmas Day, my Dad whipped up a turkey amongst the other dishes for my Mum's extended family. Tab brought her bother's awesome muffins. Eventually I found it most reposeful up in my room, away from the commotion. We eventually made our way to Chris's place where we played poker till 3am before making our way down to the Airport where we saw jn off to the blizzard cold of the US. Should be the trip of a lifetime.

26th Dec, I joined tc, kenneth and wh at Tiong Bahru CC for a little volleyball. I think I nearly sprained my back after the long period of inactivity (that is the entire semester). I was mustering everything I had towards the end of the games. I picked tab up from her place before heading over to mine, where we watched 'The Proposal' on my laptop. 27th Dec, we found ourselves at Vivocity where we watched Rapunzel, the movie.

28th Dec night, I completed the entire 'Walking Dead' season 1. It was the most kick ass series ever. With a couple of hours of sleep I drove to school on the morning of 29th Dec for the course registration before having lunch at JP, then heading home to catch up on sleep. As I turn nocturnal, staying up to 4 - 5am in the morning for the rest of the days that led up to New Year's Eve, I completed the series 'Spartacus' too, yet another good series.

31st Dec, New Years Eve, I had dinner with tab at WCP before heading down to meet the rest. The gessvball gang reunited at Rifle Range where we bid 2010 farewell and welcomed the New Year with the countdown, making merry with lots of sparklers, wine, and beer.

Since the New Year, I've been attending volleyball trainings back in school as the IHG approaches. Every one of them, though physically demanding, always leaves me yearning to be stronger, faster, better. The most tragic thing that can happen is running into injury and so I take care. I've also been looking into the upcoming Bali trip as well as the much anticipated Graduation Trip. Talk of scuba diving in May excites me too.

It's been a long time since I've been to the beach too and I did so last Sunday with gess peeps and tab. I finally met up with cs and yp while I was there. The games and sand in my feet and underwear, it was good.

And so here's 2011. I've no real resolutions, really. But there is much to look forward to.

every now and then, there always seem to be a way to use this line, sadly, to mark days that fall short. i know its bad because i can't think of anything that can make me happy anymore.

this is empty hearts, worn out patience, and a stomach eating itself. this is chapter 323421 where i get consumed.

goodnight world.

wmp: joe mcelderry - someone wake me up

so its the exam period yet again. after chugging down a mug of coffee back at home, i'm back here at school's free access lab, sort of by myself 'cause the usual gang had a paper this morning and decided to take the rest of the day of. i thought i should spend ten minutes having an entry down before i take that dive back into the mug...

two nights ago, i decided to close my accounting books at two odd am. i had an early paper the next morning but i spent another two frustrating hours trying to fall asleep. that is the problem with me and sleep. with a little more than 3 hours of sleep i sat for the morning paper. followed by an evening paper. and had some seafood thereafter with tab at the usual taman jurong haunt.

with five papers to clear, this semester's exam period may very well be the busiest of them all. it doesn't help that the yog has pushed the examinations further back into the festive christmas season. i have to admit i was pretty distracted by the thought of post-exam pleasures. i want to be out there basking in the christmas lightings at orchard and (window) shopping. though the break that follows after the exams is pretty pretty short (nearly just a month), i had my mind made up to make the most of it. i need to get back in shape (run, swim, play), re-organise my room and desktop, head down to the beach, and spend time with the people i've hardly had the time for. i'm glad the trip to bali is on its way.

i've been distracted by lots of ideas running in my head. the lastest one made me wished i was into programming and know more than the little html i picked up in secondary school while i was more free. honestly, i've no clear direction of where i'm headed for after i leave school. theres a entrepreneurial side of me thats fighting to take over sometimes. then, apart from the lack of time, theres the other more risk adverse, cautious voice within.

last night before i finally slept, i laid on bed and somehow felt a tinge of sadness. i realise how this semesters the second to the last and i think i'm gonna miss a lot of things, including the short drives to school and all the tough mugs, when i finally graduate. sometimes we spent so much of our time on something and when we finally have to move on we just can't help but find it a little hard to. i suppose that's how life is. ironic.

Labels: exams, life, nbs

...for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.

Labels: betta

at 4am, my stomach felt hollow. my mind, wrecked. i could have written a song there and then but i gave way to slumber unknowingly.

i made a promise to myself. but the worst thing about promises to yourself is that its easy to let yourself down.

while i'm writing the last couple of hundred words of my essay that's due the coming week, i thought i'll just take the time to pen my thoughts on the recess week so far.

i was at the night safari halloween night with a heck of a flu not too long ago. can't wait to wake up to a clear nose once again. i was at the philantic museum looking at the very nifty works of iron man too (see below). even more recently i got zy's takamine guitar for a little over a hundred bucks. gotta change the strings when i finally have more time in my hands (that is post-exams matters). i've been looking for the elusive bottle of jagermeister. and rooney's then possible severance of ties with manchester united has caused quite an upheaval and it has led me, the most untypical of guys who don't grow up watching football, to follow up on soccernet news.

the haze has been a bummer. apart from asthma, i think of the rain forest going up in smoke and can't help but feel tragic. some statement was made by an Indonesian spokesman, speaking of all the oxygen they've been providing us in his bid to downplay impact of the haze. i'm pretty sure many would scoff. i left volleyball training early because the psi was raging.

i've been to a couple of interviews, talking a lot about myself and my internship experience. it was delightful to get the calls from them eventually.ironically, the essay i'm churning out now happens to be about career choices. i see myself accepting the offer by the end of november though i'm still not sure if i would be shortchanging myself in the long run but then again that future can never be foreseen. time will tell. in some small way i'm looking to ditching school so that i can lead carefree weekends maybe at some pub or at the beach.

i should get back to the essay.

Labels: halloween, ironman

the lastest of acquisitions - the incredible hulk

Gee, it's been quite a while since I last blogged. I'm suppose to be reading up on Consolidation, the latest, most bad-ass accounting topic ever, but I guess I could spare some time to briefly log the happenings of the past couple of months. Its been swell.

The results from the last semester ain't too shabby though I'm still a bit short of making it. On the day of my last paper, a gang of us took off to the cinema and we caught the very much anticipated Ironman 2. We had a mere weekend of reprieve before our professional attachment began. I remember how I was swarmed by figures nearly everyday of the week. I met some pretty nice folks there; the senior I worked with was like an older brother I never had. Though waking up every morning and taking that long walk down to the train station in shirt & pants that stifle from wrist to heels was so much of a chore, looking back now I really do appreciate my time there.

While I fulfilled the internship, my weekends were pretty much filled out by the miscellaneous. I completed the Sundown Marathon at a timing of around 5:30. Apart from that I was busy planning with a couple of other friends for the trip to Europe that was going to follow.

The trip was meant for the Global Summer School Programme where we'd get to clear an elective abroad at the London School of Economics. Of course we couldn't resist the opportunity to travel.

We had bought the eurail pass from STA Travel to help us in our travel in Italy. Our first stop was to Italy where we spent a week moving from Rome, to Pisa, Cinque Terre, Milan and finally stopping over at Venice. Rome was an ancient city to behold, having an immensely rich historical heritage and cosmopolitan atmosphere. It was odd, yet surreal, coming across ruins that have been left as they are in the midst of the charming city. Dinning along the laid back alleys in the evening, the fire wood pizza, coupled with a nice cold Forst beer, felt like nothing I had had before with generous slices of ham spread across the pizza and nice crisp crusts. While there, we visted the Trevi Foundtain, Spanish Steps, Vatican City, Isola Tiberina, Palatine Hill, the Colosseum and the Catacombs.

We stopped over at Pisa for a half a day to see the leaning tower, and then moved on to Cinque Terre, a fine getaway from the hustle and bustle, before proceeding to Milan, a rougher side of Italy where we saw the magnificent Duomo cathedral. As we moved around in the subways within each city, baskers would play their accordians on board the train and although I enjoyed the novelty of it, it seemed to annoy the locals as I would also later see even Paris.

Venice, a sanctuary on a lagoon, was easy to move around without any cars to watch out for. When we were not navigating the streets and alleys on foot crossing bridge after bridge over the gondolas, we were taking the water taxi, basking in the soft seaside light. The streets was full of shops that sold mesmerizing pieces of venetian masks and Murano glasswares. We visited San Marcos, where there was a vibrant public square, and Murano where they pride themselves on the quality of their handmade glassware. The Gelato ice cream was so rich and awesome I had one everyday without fail at every stop of Italy.

Our favourite stopover was at Cinque Terre. When we first arrived at Riomaggiore, we were exhausted from lugging our luggage up to our room but recovered quickly when we saw the view from our balcony. It was quite a sight, being housed on a cliff facing the clean horizon of the sea. We even hit the waters for a bit, and sat on the rocks while we watched the boys cliff dive.

The walks from Riomaggiore to Manarola and back was most reposeful. It was also known as the lover's path where couples would leave their padlocks along the railings of the path. For our two days at Cinque Terre, we continued to visit Vernazza and Monterosso, covering essentially 4 out of the 5 towns, missing out on Corniglia unintentionally. On our last night, I was out at the balcony, under the star lit night, hearing the waves, taking in the sea breeze, trying to make a lasting memory.

The seafood was absolutely magnificent, the best I have ever had in my life if I may add. I remember having an entire sea bass to myself, and how fantastic the seafood spaghetti was. I'll never forget the anchovies too.

We dined at La Scogliera at Manarola twice because of how delightful the experience was for the first time round. There was a time or two when we would walk pass a lady salting fresh anchovies at her back door near where we stayed. She would give us a pleasant smile each time we walked by. We stocked the fridge we had had with fresh peaches, strawberries, cherries and blueberries that we would eat every time we were back in our room. We also bought a bottle of 'limoncino', a cinque terre desert wine, for a friend who would later meet us in London.

We took a flight from Italy over to London where our term of 3 weeks at LSE began. Three of us shared a nice apartment at Mornington Cresent. The weather at London was cool and lovely and made it good for a hot cup of coffee on my way to school.

My group mates were some of the coolest dudes I've met in a while. I was glad our project(MAD Network) took shape really quickly. Every morning, I would buy an egg mayonnaise sandwich, and a pipping hot cup of coffee to take away from Wright's Bar. Every afternoon I'd find myself at the library catching a nap on the bean bag, a routine my group mates began to noticed and find amusing. It became the place they'd look for me when I was needed.

With the time we had out of school, we wandered the streets of Oxford, Piccadilly, Campden Market and managed a Sandemans tour with a guide around London. We spent a night watching the Phantom of the Opera and another on the riverboat cruising along the Thames river with the people of LSE. It was a pity we had missed the England vs Hungary football friendly. In the end, I felt a little bit attached to London and our cosy little apartment when we finally had pack up and leave.

Over the weekends while in London, we packed our bags for a couple of weekend trips. One to Scotland Edinburgh, where we missed our easyjet flight (the most traumatic of experiences) and had to take a 12h bus ride stopping by Birmingham where we dropped by the Bull Ring Market.

We had a little more than a day at Edinburgh. Loved the beer, calm picturesque landscape at our coach pit stop, and the jolly people there. The Sandemans tour gave a good insight to the history and quirks of Scotland, introducing Irn Bru, a drink thought to be a cure for a hangovers and other features of the new town such as the Heart of Midlothian where people would spit on (for good luck and also in defiance to Edinburgh's arch rival football club that also bears a heart for its crest) and the memorial of Greyfriar that spoke of a heart wrenching tale of the loyalty of Bobby the dog. Amongst the many sights, we also saw the site that gave inspiration to Harry Potter's Hogwards. Eventually, we ended at a pub where tried the Scottish Haggis, a national dish. It was a pity we didn't have the time for the highlands of Scotland.

We soon finished the term with our final presentation at LSE and took off to Brighton for a day trip on Friday where there was the pebbled stretch of beach and some really quirky, bohemian styled shops around. We sat at the beach watching the sunset, with the remains of the West Pier in background and the seagulls all over just before our bus left, catching what little sleep we could on the way back.

From the UK, we flew to Amsterdam (the whackiest central town ever, with the enchanting hamlet of windmills at Zannse Schans), Brussels and Paris (the Eiffel tower, Disneyland, Notre Dame, Lourve Musuem, Versailles... truly a lovely, lovely part of Europe).

To finally drop my bags back home was sort of a good feeling. I spent the night unpacking, throwing out souvenirs for my siblings, sharing bits and pieces of stories of my good travel before I headed to bed and repacked my bag for my next flight out to Phuket with the Kenai/Casper gang the next day...

(to be continued)

Labels: europe, summer, travel, vacation

wmp: the script, before the worst

the past couple of weeks have been pretty hard on us with report deadlines and marketing presentations to prepare for. haven't seen the last of those but friday night finally came along and i decided to disconnect myself from schoolwork at least until the day at the beach on saturday was over.

so i got my usual friday evening fix - a concoction of online manga and tv. of late, i've been pretty much hooked to the heroes vs villains series from survivor. the reality tv stars really do look like they're having a good time on that paradise island despite the intricacies of the game itself. i was thinking of a vacation of my own, to bangkok then krabi and the other islands perhaps, if contingencies permit. i believe it would do the soul some good just before the semester restarts.

i stayed up on friday night toying with the new 'knock out' deck by magic makers. not a fan of the usual gimmick decks but this... this, i think, is pure genius. so with less than five hours of sleep, i made my way down to tanjong beach on the saturday morning. the weather was scorching and though i usually prefer the cooler of the two extremes of the weather these days, the scorching weather couldn't have been more timely this time round.



it appears time away from the sport did some good. i remember how i struggled to pull off a game the last couple of times at zhenhong's farewell game at NIE and the homecoming at JJC. the games at the fiesta went pretty well. we even managed to pull through the preliminaries with reasonable ease. not until i met the 'wall', almost literally, at the quarter finals.

i gotta say it was like kick starting a cold engine during the first couple of matches. i'm not sure how this would really work out because of the hectic demands of school, but for the weeks that lead up to the exam papers i'm intending to revise my routines, get my seven hours of sleep daily and carve half an hour of time out from a week for a run or a trip to the gym.

between the games i took the chance to take a dip at the beach. just lying there, semi submerged with the water blocking out the commotion from my ears, i watched the clouds fleet, and felt the day was absolutely worth the while. it was truly a moment to myself.

Labels: beach, cards

three new years ago.

I like to think she's somewhere above the heavens now looking down upon us.

Labels: grandma

From Bicycle

Labels: cards

this semester has been slightly different (as with every semester). its almost as if i lost the drive i had last semester. the drive to mug. i'm just a fraction of a pinky's nail away from a different class of degree. but this semester, all i really want is for myself to enjoy the good times and not let them slip by. i'm having a hard time concentrating. i was hoping i'll end up on an exchange next semester. meet some new people. breath a little. then i heard the people in maastricht are more mugger than those in nbs. if that means failing modules there, i hardly know whats best now.

its week four of the semester. i've been playing quite a fair bit of volleyball. the inter-school games, the inter-national games, the inter-hall games, and the upcoming surf and sweat. i guess the last couple of games on the court made me realise there is so much room for improvement. not just in skill, but the other aspects of myself that will follow me no matter where i go and what i do. i'm working on them desperately but some things, i feel, only come innate.

i realise i can't actually defer my ns after a quick phone call. i wonder hows it gonna turn out. in fact i've been wondering about so much lately. i wonder where my internship will bring me. and as usual, how my results for this semester will turn out. i wonder whether the ophir trip will realise. and how the months of may, june and july will come to pass. i've been fairly stumped, but not as much as when i begin thinking of my career.

i felt a good stretch in my head during one of the first few marketing lectures of this semester. slide after slide of demographics and extrapolations, it made me realise how much the future beholds. and yet still we'll always be running out of time. oil reserves are emptying. the maldives is sinking. our knees will grow old. we will retire. the whole world is planning for the future. and that is when i try to see myself 10 years from now.

i'm beginning to believe in friends and family.

stereophonics maybe tomorrow, and newton faulkner's teardrops, sure brings back memories of driving home along the expressway at night.

Labels: life, nbs, volleyball