i've been kinda torned between doing the things i wanna do, and doing the things i should be doing. its not much of a recess. meeting up with friends at aloha loyang did me some good. these are probably the little bits of life now that we'll look back at. the poker chips, trash talk, funny accents and the hysterical laughs.

maybe we've been staring too long in our rear view mirrors. we're so caught up with the 'could haves' and 'should have beens'. we act as if things have always turned out the wrong way. we're hard up. but maybe, just maybe, life ain't as bad as it seems. we just expect too much to see how good it has been...

Labels: life, nbs

GOD DAMMMIT ARGH

december is actually not too far away. its means both the examinations and the end of it are drawing close. while its worrying(the exams), i'm looking forward to everything beyond. hopefully, my foot heals good soon. i'll be at the nike human race. then the runs that build up to the marathon(dec 4). i'll be playing the inter hall games. its been so long since i've played a good game of volleyball. i'll be heading to the beach. may the weather be good. i'll be watching all those films i've never quite got to watch (public enemies, nine, district nine, up, inglourious basterds). i'll be getting a new phone(se w705), a new digital camera(a panasonic lumix), and maybe, just maybe if i succumb, a new guitar(a cheap electric squire). i'll be looking forward to christmas, the new year, a good getaway perhaps, the late nights, the ten hour sleeps, the good life.

i feel stucked still given the 'recess' week. i wish i had the week all to myself to frolick the fields. i've got the week planned out and here's the first half of it:

saturday - online meeting for aa201 project
sunday - meeting for negotiation task
monday - meeting for ac213 project
tuesday - meeting for aa201 project/chalet at night
wednesday - chalet/???
the rest is still of revisions and meeting of datelines...

not too long ago, i created a playlist of songs. i think everyone should have a playlist on standby. one which you can count on for a slower heart rate and a better state of mind in times of crisis. here's mine:

paint the silence, south
living life, eels
ride, cary brothers
in the sun, joseph arthur
lost cause, beck
stop joking around, hawksley workman
orange sky, alexi murdoch
caught by the river, doves
honey and the moon, joseph arthur
dice, finley quaye
konstantine, something corporate
windmills, wet toad sprockets
something always goes wrong, wet toad sprockets

"there is no rose without a thorn. there is no bed of roses. take the rough with the smooth. if you try, you can be anything you want to be."

Labels: december, life, nbs, recess

we're just messing with ourselves. i've a bad feeling about this.

Labels: science

sometimes a song speaks your mind. better than you ever could have.

it could go like this,


Standing on a bus stop
Feeling your head pop
Out in the night
On the kind of night
Where you want to be out
On the street, on the street
Crawling up the walls
Like a cat in heat

And the air is thin
And it blows through your skin
And you feel like something
Is about to begin
But you don't know what
And you don't know when
So you tear at your hair
And you scratch at your skin

You wanna run away, run away
Just get on the fucking train and leave today
And it doesn't matter where you spend the night
You just might end up somewhere in a fight, in a fight
Or caught in your room on a concrete shelf
Fighting all alone, with yourself, with yourself
And you just wanna feel like a coin that's been tossed
In a wishing well, a wishing well
A wishing well, a wishing well
Well, you're tossed in the air
And you fell and you fell
Through the dark blue waters
Where you cast your spell
Like you were just a wish that could turn out well

So you stand on the corner
Where the angels sit
And you think to yourself,
"This is it, this is it,
This is all that I have
All I can stand
Is this air in my lungs
And this coin in my hand
That you tossed in the air
And I fell, and I fell
All the way to the bottom
Of the well, of the well
Like those soft little secrets
That you tell, that you tell
To yourself, when you think
No one's listening to, well"

And the walls spin
And you're paper-thin
From the haze of the smoke
And the mescaline
The threat of your brow
Under unmade sheets
In your ear with the noise
From the darkest streets
We ran far and wide
You screamed, you cried
You thought suicide was an alibi
But you were always a mess
You were always aloof
Yeah, it's awful, I guess
But it's the awful truth
It was truth from the first
To the last words that she read

And she emerged from the dark
Like a ghost in my head
She said, "I haven't forgot
Any words that you said
I just stare at the clocks
And I cry in my sleep
And I tear up your letters
And I burn them in heaps
And I gather the ashes
In that hole in the ground
Where we fell"

Labels: song

wmp: the quiet screaming, dashboard confessionals vs brand new

i never quite had things this hard, i realise. almost as if something fell short all of a sudden.

i do feel a tad bit incoherent these days.

i have about a decade's worth of mp3s that i've transferred from hard disk to hard disk over the years. the techno, the punk rock, the alternatives. they bring more nostalgia than i imagined. i was listening to brand new's 'the quiet things no one ever knows' earlier on in the car. it hit me with memories of the junior college days. days of further mathematics. of dozing off in lectures. of volleyball(and the expectations). surely someday a song will play, and i will look back at life as it is now, and miss it all.

i was almost reluctant to leave the reading room tonight. the weekends haven't been the same. but i may already in fact be getting used to the solitary of it all. it was eleven at night, and the sight of the empty walkways felt like a good breath of fresh air.

i await December. and of course, coming in the near weeks, the d24 durian mooncakes from goodwood park. should be good.



the Comptroller, he is most powerful. period!

Labels: life, nbs

its almost eight in the morning. i woke up at six after i decided not to touch the books and call it an early night last night. i've been having the same dreams for the past couple of nights that leave me waking up to a splitting headache and a little sadness.

so i drew the curtains and began being buried by the intricacies of taxation. it started to rain and colbie caillate's fallin' for you began playing on the aol radio. its different waking up to the mornings like these.

Labels: dreams, morning, nbs

i can't remember when it was exactly now, but somewhere along the way, between the days of the three blissful months of absolute getaways and nothingness, and those of waking up to the routines of the five minutes rush to morning classes(God bless the nissan latio), i decided, on a subconscious level, to run, swim, gym and play like i've never had. i decided to get every i could, from signing up for the standard charter marathon to the mini biathlon at ntu.

the best part was, i wasn't quite alone; t'were a good bunch of them who lost their minds too and signed their souls to the big marathon as well. we had a good plan together, to chalk up distances and cover good ground with each passing month, until at least the commencement of the mug for the final examinations. i made everything i was in for count. for me at least, it was almost a human experiment of sorts. to see how fast, how strong, how good i could get. its been something more of a month and so far, i felt i've grown from this all. its addictive. i'm not talking about the feel good in terms of esteem or the sense of accomplishment and what nots, but there have been nights when i felt fresh enough to read FRSes and textbooks till the mornings and i guess i realise i must be onto something good.

then came the night i went back to hall seven for a night of volleyball(it was nostalgic being back) right before joining the guys at the other side of the campus for ten kilometers worth of run. its the second day now after the run and theres a pain in my left foot that makes every step i take feel like a hard kick into a brick wall. it didn't quite frustrate me at first but now i'm rather convinced that its highly probable that it's stress fracture and that can mean six to eight weeks of laying off the track and everything else. it feels like crap and i haven't even reached the real implications of the disruptions 'cause i haven't quite the slightest idea how long this foot will take and how hard the month of october will be.

gg, truly.

Labels: hall 7, nbs, run, volleyball

i penned it all down. whatever that hit. they came fleeting.

but tonight, i think i somehow understand. like suddenly.

twenty five. nice run tonight.


"It might be a quarter life crisis, or just the stirring in my soul"
- Why Georgia, John Mayer

Labels: kenai, life, nbs, run