i headed out for a run circumferencing jurong lake to the point of the turn. it was a hard run; i've never been so out of breath. i made it back to the gym. the eight pounds felt like ten. and ten like twenty. perhaps its because of the late nights. or how things have been for nearly a week. maybe i'll never be like how i used to be but i try to tell myself i will not degenerate.

i've grown scrawny during the past two semesters. limbs like twigs that stick out from the body. this summer break i will play hard. tennis, vball, sundown, gym, squash, run...

i guess we aren't caught between what we are now and what we wish or hope for from each other anymore. somehow, someway, it became something so beyond us.

what is noise? noise is what we want to believe is noise. what is an answer? an answer is what we want to believe is an answer. for prayers unanswered, we turn to flipping a couple of pages just so we can tangibly see what we want to believe is too much of a coincidence? sometimes we're so caught up with seeking answers, we just do.

i believe He speaks to us as long as we want to listen. i believe we will hear Him in His own time. there is no need even to hear or see a sign. that is my faith.

today, when the ten felt like a twenty, i want to believe that it was Him i felt.

i will not degenerate.