I'm not sure if anyone at all can relate but it's like searching for that something you once had and it could be anything from that X-men action figure from 1997 to that apartment you spend most of your early years in.

Tonight, I was searching for this hamster ball I once lived in - My Blogosphere. Most of the inspiring lives I've read about, though vague and incoherent at times, have ceased to exist. It was everything I had at some point.

I haven't had such a weekend in a while; Friday night, we hung out at the west end of Raffles Marina having a drink and soaking in the peace at the lighthouse before driving around the quiet area, briefly passing by the pretentious lights of the refinery, a place they eventually called Machine City; Saturday, evening after passing my IPPT, we cruised down the expressway to the eastern end, having the most sumptuous BBQ of mussels and clams and steaks and chops and wine before we stacked the chips for good night on the poker table and while I found myself the only one reaching of the Barcadi bottle, the chat I had with a good friend at the balcony was most insightful and the after taste of the liquor was most nostalgic as I grew reminiscent of my younger days; Sunday evening as the evening drew to a close, we managed to explore much of the key attractions at the Gardens by the Bay before we had a feast at ABC market; Monday afternoon, hot sand on our feet as we ran and jumped and sweated and dived for the volleyball. It was what was missing for the longest time. At Still Bar, we enjoyed the last of our drinks as I dread the close of the night for the work week is almost here all over.

Life is so trashy sometimes, it makes me not wanna care about everything including myself. I can't care to smile, eat, sleep, and even exercise to look good even though it was once a part of a routine that worked.

Labels: life

for two nights in a row, the cabbie behind the wheel was a parent with a heavy heart.

monday night, a plump indian man with much conversation to make, at some point, spoke of his son and God's will. while it was clear he wished his son could be so much more, there was a certain acceptance to the circumstance and i admire that.

tuesday night, a brooding man with less words out aloud brought me through the jam of the expressway. after a brief stop over and seemingly casual chat, we sunk into a deeper conversation about his daughter, and school grades. it was the same despondence. i hope i had encouraged him some way or another but i wish i was had far more words of encouragement to offer.

i understand, even more now, how much our parents wish the best for us always.

"Love your parents. We are so busy growing up, we often forget they are also growing old"

Labels: life, parents

i should ration my words, put up a half smile, wisen up.

i haven't been blogging much evidently. after a brief basketball game with my brother, a good shower, a glass of red wine, a bowl of noodles, and a whole lot of reality tv show, i find myself browsing entries from 2007, reading old tagboard conversations, being reminiscent of younger times, and still wondering what the future beholds (sure we're moving fast but i think somewhere down the road, there has to be something more to look forward to, and somehow i always feel it will come).

after six grueling semesters, the convocation ball is on its way and i'll officially graduate, not just from NBS, but from over 20 years of full time schooling. i can't honestly say i'm glad its over. and in some way, the things that have changed over the years shine light on the things that don't. people come and go, we've all wanted something different at some stage or another, and we mature as we go forward. but i've always been in constant search of good times to remember, some paradise getaway or maybe an adventure to call our own. that was what probably didn't change much. and i guess eventually, we find out too that nothings gonna just happen like how it does in the movies.

of late, though, i've marveled at some really big sights from around the world; from the coastal towns of cinque terre, city night lights from the effiel tower, to the vast grand canyons, and the bright lights of new york times square. in some way or another, it has become clear, like suddenly, that that elusive paradise is not really where we go, but the way we feel for that very moment in our lives. the best of times can be in the most humble of places.

to be honest, i'm shit-scared of how life will turn out to be. cause from here on, we're off the thread mill. we're on our own.

Labels: graduation, life, school

warm light from the table lamp, on the bed with the laptop, ac on, close to 4am, ear phones with nujabe's luv sic playing.

good music.

as the exams approach its almost as if i don't give a damn but i know i will, at the right hour.